Some words I thought of that may or may not make sense.https://flavorfulsuffering.xyz/https://flavorfulsuffering.xyz/posts/writing/present-in-kitchen/https://flavorfulsuffering.xyz/posts/writing/present-in-kitchen/It's all about being present I guessSat, 20 Dec 2025 14:57:59 GMTFor someone who grew up and spent most of his formative years being woefully out of touch with any form of creative expression. It's been a complex and long journey finding a space for oneself where one can feel closer to one's true authentic self? Like a space to express oneself creatively to re-connect with the present moment without any judgments? I know, I know that self is not a fixed thing set in stone and instead it's something that's ever-changing, transient, and most probably an illusion created by a series of thoughts? Still the feeling that I experience in the kitchen, and am trying to describe here is maybe one of being at peace with the sense of the self. Though the word "self" itself seems paradoxical to me in some manner. Majority of us feel more deeply in touch with this sense of self only when the concept of self dissolves to some degree? It somehow feels contradictory, but maybe it tells something about the nature of human experience (regarding which I know very little about) that experiences that make us realise we are not at the centre of everything makes us feel more centred about our existence as well? I guess that's what kitchen means to me, a place where the self defined by the ego is no longer at the forefront of the conscious experience, and the sensory experience of the present comes to life. There are days when the sensations, tastes, and aromas appearing in the kitchen almost feel like a gust of wind taking away the dark and heavy clouds occupying the headspace. It always fascinates me how a physical space can turn into a sanctuary of solace, by merely being an inanimate enclosure or space carving designed to offer functional support for creating something. There have been many instances where I have felt that the ground has been swept from under my feet, but just stepping into the kitchen lets me relax with that feeling and accept it rather than resist or fight it. Since the time I have started cooking somewhat seriously, it has almost seemed like a missing piece of the puzzle in trying to keep the existential void at bay. And the space where I engage in that act naturally takes the form of a significant anchor. I think for me the kitchen can be exclusively designated as a getting-back-in-touch-with-the-present-moment zone. I know in some manner it's still me holding onto a space to deal with the inescapable uncertainties of life, and in an ideal scenario one might strive to be enlightened enough so that one can just relax with the sufferings and groundlessness of living without actively looking for an enclosure of brick and mortar to act as an anchor to feel steady. Until then, I will keep going back into my kitchen to cook sometimes astounding, most times somewhat average, and many a times a complete failure of a meal to reclaim some sense of security amidst the chaos and in the process maybe eventually make peace with my finitude.https://flavorfulsuffering.xyz/posts/weeknotes/weeknote-2/https://flavorfulsuffering.xyz/posts/weeknotes/weeknote-2/Weeknote #2Sat, 28 Jun 2025 16:52:45 GMTAnother very very early morning, and another kinda late weeknote. ### **What's been happening** The last week was spent traveling to and then relaxing in Coorg with its incessant rainy weather. Joined by a friend (Chaitanya), we were both working from there. The intention behind this workation was to try to turn down the knob for the dizzying pace at which days of the past month have gone by. And I'm happy to report that it was a reasonable success. Most of my time in Coorg was spent sleeping for long hours, eating some lovely meals, drinking some great coffee, solving a good number of Sudokus, chitchatting with my friend, and at times walking. Also since it was a "workation", a tiny bit of time was spent working as well. Despite my best efforts, the first couple of days were spent recovering from the jet-lag caused by an overnight bus travel from Bangalore. I guess it's a timely reminder to my hopeful self about the messy after-effects of traveling overnight in a bus with regards to my sleep. Every time I try and pray for the bus travel to not screw up my(unconventional?) sleep schedule, and every time without fail it messes up my sleep routine in an annoying manner. To add salt to the wound, the awful catching, bowling (barring Bumrah of course), and lower order batting by India in the first test match made matters worse. No early morning or overnight road travel for me for the near future at least. Thankfully some sanity prevailed over us, and we returned in a bus that departed in the afternoon. Since we were spending most of our time indoors because of the rain I was solving almost 3-4 hard-ish [Sudokus](https://sudoku.coach/) every day while I was there. It was a very different experience, and in a pleasant way of course, to be able to take a stab at a puzzle and almost enter a flow state while solving it in a less overstimulating environment far away from the city with the pattering of the rain and the chirping of the birds playing in the background. There was no printing shop near to the hostel we were staying at so my only regret is not printing out the Sudokus on a paper before traveling, and having to solve them on a laptop instead. I know there are some undeniable advantages of solving a sudoku on a laptop or computer, but sitting and concentrating in front of a screen for a significant duration also leaves me with a strange headache which is not really ideal. Also I believe that I'm a way better thinker with a pen and a paper in my hand. Regardless it was a revelation to discover that Sudoku can be a great anchor and company for me during travel as well. There was also an expected splurge on coffee, spices, and chocolates. Do I have enough awareness about my consumption patterns to be more mindful of my spending? To some extent, yes. Can I reign myself in when tempted by nice looking stuff on display for buying? Mostly yes. But can I stop myself from getting pulled in by the tastes, sights, and, sensations around fresh produce and ingredients? It's an emphatic NO. Notwithstanding the tiny bit of guilt I'm feeling for damaging my bank balance, I'm super excited to try out the new coffee and experiment with the Kachampuli (black coorg vinegar) I brought along with me. ### **Top Meals of the Week** - There was some great food at the Kitchen Table, especially the Bun Cha. Banh Mi turned out to be just okay, I was quite happy with the cook on the pork but the baguette I got from sour house was too dense for a Banh Mi. Maybe it's time to take matters in my own hand, and start baking my own bread(!). - Incredible filter coffee at Ainmane and BigCup cafe in Coorg. I think the time spent in Coorg was the final straw when it comes to me becoming a coffee snob after resisting this fate for so long. Sigh. - I also really liked the Pandi curry at both Tiger Tiger and Coorg Cuisine, though I found the curry at Coorg Cuisine with the distinct tarty flavor of the Kachampuli coming through more in line with my taste. - We were staying at The Hosteller Coorg, and the soya chili served in their cafe was too good for me to admit. ### **Art Diet** #### **Reading** - Gaining some momentum with [Dust Child](). I'm now more than halfway through the book, and the different story threads are now coming together in an interesting manner. I don't want to give too much away about the plot yet, but I'm really liking how the book talks about the generational impacts of the Vietnam War from the perspective of both the American Vets and the Amerasians who were left behind. #### **Listening** - I started listening to Lorde's new album Virgin and was instantly hooked. I've never really heard any of her music before this, but the somewhat mellower electro-pop beats contrasting with the occasional chaos made me fall in love with it. #### **Watching** - I'm two episodes into *The Vinland Saga*, this time trying to make an earnest, serious attempt at understanding why my anime-watching friends can't stop raving about it. - A friend (Bala) reminded me that it was Bourdain Day on 25th June, so watched an episode of Parts Unknown set in Iran as a commemoration of sorts. It also somewhat helped me develop a more nuanced perspective around the ongoing conflict in the process.https://flavorfulsuffering.xyz/posts/weeknotes/weeknote-1/https://flavorfulsuffering.xyz/posts/weeknotes/weeknote-1/Weeknote #1Sat, 21 Jun 2025 16:52:45 GMTOkay, here we go. This is going to be the first weeknote that I'm ever going to post on the internet. Over the past few years, I guess I've already written quite a few weeknotes without me realizing that I was in fact developing a some sort of a habit to take stock of how a week (or fortnight) went by. Though most of those contents are now only confined to my journals, I've become aware that most of my journal entries about how my week really went by focus on the not-so-pleasant, rough, and tough happenings through that time period. So in an attempt to find a better balance where I become more conscious of the easy, pleasant, and good parts of the week along with the usual hurdles and sufferings of life that keep popping up, I figured that sharing these weekly stock-takes of life here on the internet where other people can take a peek at it might be a good idea, or who knows it might be a ridiculous one. I guess there's only one way to find out. So I will try to write these weeknotes on one of the days from Wednesday to Friday every week depending on my mood fluctuations. I know (I know) that I'm posting this on a Sunday, but sometimes life happens and one can get busy figuring out the right flavor combination for the marination of pork, and then also getting the cook on it right(which was a success by the way for what it's worth!). ### **What's been happening** It's been a week of two halves, where the first half was almost a whirlwind hazy blur that threatened for me to lose my sanity(read shit) on multiple occasions. The first half was mostly spent in me trying to settle into the new space where I shifted last week along with a new addition of a flatmate (MG), setting up the place, and taking care of other essential chores. I think I'm still carrying some of the exhaustion that came from moving houses, and carrying goods up three floors to the new place which has no lift(!). But I think I feel settled enough in the new space now, and getting used to the new rhythms of this new environment. I've not shared a house with another person in the longest time, so still trying to figure out some of my boundaries with regards to safeguarding my physical and mental space, and working on being more assertive about them. In the past few days there have been some occasions where I've felt a little uneasy and uncomfortable when it comes to having control over my space. Still early days, but I feel I'm making good progress on this front. New space also means that I have a new kitchen! So far I'm quite pleased with how I am able to move around while cooking in it. Though the kitchen is not significantly bigger than the kitchen in my old place I've been more mindful with the organization of the cooking equipment and ingredients. At the time of writing this I've only cooked two proper meals in the kitchen: Dal for dinner one day and Upma for breakfast on another. They both turned out be quite decent. I also finally bought off a 13 inch MacBook Air with M4 chip. Since the time I've started working I haven't really felt the need to have a personal laptop, so this is the first time in almost five years now that I will be having a separate machine for my experimental tech needs. I'm yet to set up the machine to my liking, so more updates on that next week. I was able to sit(lay) through a 20 minute meditation routine this week after a really long time, where I've been finding it hard to sit and meditate for more than 10 minutes in recent times. Small wins! Speaking of small wins, I have been able to clock more than 10,000 steps for the past couple of days. My legs hurt a little now, but my bowel movements are happy. Fun times. Besides that I've been mostly busy with the prep for Banh Mi for the third(Vietnamese-Themed!) Kitchen Table edition of the [11AM Club](https://lu.ma/eleven-am-club) which is hosted by one of my friends (Anne). It's a lovely ritual to just slow down on a Sunday and meet new fun people over fun activities, though as the name suggests it's too early in the day for me to really be a human of any use. ### **Top Meals of the Week** - My flatmate's parents stayed over at our place for a few days so I was having the most wholesome home-cooked food almost every day for that duration. Though I might have gone a little overboard by consuming way too much cholesterol in form of ghee and other fatty accompaniments during the time, my gut is still reeling from the after-effects of that. - I stumbled upon a random food cart selling home-cooked South-Indian fare near my house, and the sambhar rice there was just lovely along with a banging bottle gourd palya. All for 50 bucks. ### **Reading Diet** - Still reading [Dust Child](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/60831918-dust-child), and still yearning for Vietnam. - Also sifted through the [Banh-Mi Handbook](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/22717270-the-banh-mi-handbook) to get some ideas and inspirations for the Kitchen Table. Though most of the recipes in there are a little americanized, still they are good enough to start building a flavor foundation for Vietnamese style of cooking. ### **Nice things around the internet** - This piece by [Ankur](https://ankursethi.com) was really clarifying with regards to finding words to describe my feeling towards social media and attention-deficient world we live in: [Social media is a threat to my psychological sovereignty](https://ankursethi.com/blog/social-media-is-a-threat-to-my-psychological-sovereignty/)<br /> P.S: The phrase "I have a whole barbecue full of beefs with social media" really made me chuckle. That's how I'm going to respond to any questions about my frequent disappearance from social media from now on. - And another essay on self-respect, this time by one of my favorite writers on the internet: [Feeling Free](https://herenowstudies.com/archive?slug=33). It's part of the latest issue of the here/now studies newsletter by her which is paid, and it is worth every penny paid for it. Trust me.<br /> I see it as the decolonized counterpart to Joan Didion's [On Self-Respect](https://sites.gatech.edu/alexburgin/on-self-respect-by-joan-didion/), which is an incredible essay, and was deeply impactful in developing my ideas around self-respect. Though there are parts in it which hint at casual racism which didn't really sit well with me. Rega's piece is almost like a palate cleanser for the bit of a bitter aftertaste Didion's piece left me with.